Saturday, May 07, 2005

Here's hoping my day ends soon!!!

Well today just sucks. It doesn't seem to be getting any better and I want it to end. Unfortunately my solution is to break into tears anytime anyone says anything to me like your not supposed to dry that shirt why are you drying it? Or whatever. I'm always like this on/around Mothers Day and my Birthday it seems. I want so bad for my family to need me and appreciate me and when it turns out to be just another day I'm sad and hurt or when it doesn't go just as I had envisioned it. I have no idea why I get this way?

Well anyway today it's just a cumulation of things. Dave's work situation has been bugging me, I can only suppress it so long. Last night we were supposed to go and pick out my Mothers Day gift, a new sewing machine. But when Dave got home he got embroiled in the I'm 4 and I don't want to clean my room situation that has been brewing here for it seems like forever but it's probably been a week. I don't know what I expect of Dave and my two very tiny children. I guess I want them to feel they can't live without me when I'm sure they probably could do with out the drama. I want pretty flowers and nice cards and all of my favorite things including time. I shouldn't be so selfish I know Emily made me the most wonderful plate and placemat in school she made the card herself and the wrapping paper. It is the most precious thing and I adore it. Maybe I should do a layout on it I have one starting to form in my head, have to write it down. And I do really want a new sewing machine. I want to sew on my layout of my mothers day gifts! My mantra should be "today I won't be so rigid!"

I'm feeling really guilty for being so mean to Emily this week no playdates our playground until her room is clean. No fun stuff like projects or computer(Polly website). I would settle for the floor picked up and the closet jammed with stuff. I think we'll take her to the container store today and have her pick out containers for her Kelly/barbie/bitty/stuff maybe that's what she needs. Mommy always loves a new container and pictures of amazingly clean white houses. Check out the current Mary Englebright magazine and you'll know how and why my house got cleaned this week.

This week has just been going from bad to worse and yesterday I was yelling at Abbi after the toilet overflow leak into the family room incident, yes we live in the plumbing problem house!!!! The poor little thing she did nothing and everytime I cry she tells me it's ok Mama! She was also very funny after the drama died down yesterday and told me "rain in house". She is so even keeled she is not my kid, much more like her dad. Now as I'm crying , why I'm not sure, and typing this she's got all the little people in cars, wagons, skateboards and such and their driving over the very bumpy road that is our crayon box. Every once in awhile she says OK Mama and pats me on the head!

I'm missing Em's T-ball game right now but it's almost time for Abbi's nap and I just can't face everyone being this emotional. I feel terrible how can I let my feeling get in the way of me being there for my girl? I just don't want to be crying in front of everyone.

Oh my god I'm such a whiner I can't stand to listen to myself! Sorry Sorry Sorry! Ok on the upside I got my Fav coffee from Starbucks since I had to go there to buy beans. And it's yummy! Plus this time I bought Gold Coast beans which I'm sure refers to Africa however I'm going to save the cool label for Shari's mini altered book where the theme is coffee. She'll love it and it's kinda a Chicago reference. I hope the coffee is good since I'll be drinking it for the next 2 weeks based on the cool label! Challa where are you I know you can relate to this!!!!! Because yes it is all about the packaging!

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